Releasing Control
Our schedules give us a framework by which we structure our lives. For many of us, when the calendar got wiped clean in March of 2020, it may have felt as if the structure of our lives gave way. Many of us wiped our calendars clean and others of us began to adjust to working from home and supervising on-line learning with our children.
Losing the order and structure of our days was incredibly disorienting for many of us. I’ve heard from clients that they felt anxious, found it difficult to make decisions, felt flustered or irritable, were sad and depressed, or even unexplainably angry.
Although the disrupted schedules of 2020 are in the rearview mirror, I’ve found that the pandemic experience has highlighted for many of my clients the role that routine or schedules truly play in life. Regardless of what is creating the change in a schedule, whether an illness, a job change, the birth of a child, or a move, changes to our schedules or routines create undesirable results in both kids and adults. One of the big reasons for this is that routine helps us feel in control. It gives us a sense of predictability that is comforting. We all, children and adults alike, thrive when we know what we can expect. Not knowing what the future holds creates uncertainty that can be very scary and cause anxiety.
One of my favorite books is called Sit Walk Stand. It is a collection of sermons published in 1957 by the evangelist Watchman Nee. It primarily focuses on the New Testament book of Ephesians. After I wiped my calendar clean and the structure of my days dissolved in March of 2020, I quickly realized that I had been putting a lot of trust in my routine rather than on God. This passage from the book came to mind.
“God is waiting till you cease to do…When you cease doing, then God will begin. Have you ever tried to save a drowning man? The trouble is that his fear prevents him trusting himself to you. When that is so, there are just two ways of going about it. Either you must knock him unconscious and then drag him to shore, or else you must leave him to struggle and shout until his strength gives way before you go to his rescue. If you try to save him while he has any strength left, he will clutch at you in his terror and drag you under, and both he and you will be lost. God is waiting for your store of strength to be utterly exhausted before he can deliver you. Once you have ceased to struggle, he will do everything. God is waiting for you to despair.”
This passage helped me remember that the un-scheduling, collapsing of my structured time could actually be good for me. It placed my trust back where it belonged…in God rather than on me. It allowed me to see, forced me to slow down, forced me to change my pace, and was the very means by which I began to hear God saying, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-30 MSG